Grief Survivor Workshop Part I
When we lose someone significant in our lives, this kind of loss can throw us into a whirlwind of chaos. Not only are we emotionally devastated, shocked and maybe numb from it all, but we also may face a slew of new responsibilities. If we have been caring for someone with a disease, hopefully things like power-of-attorney, a will and funeral plans are in order. But maybe there wasn’t time for all that. Either way, planned or unplanned, after the death of a spouse, relative or close friend, we’re often left with managing our own lives along with the estate and wishes of others. This experience can be overwhelming.
We’re beginning this website article series for grief survivors to address the variety of concerns and issues one faces both during and after the loss of significant others. Before we dive into the new responsibilities that face us, it is important to first face the emotional roller coaster that we will be on. Because it is while we are on this ride, that we will learn to function and take care of what needs to be done.
During the first month after your loss, there are common experiences people go through. It is good to know that you are not crazy or unusual as you experience your own grief journey. For example:
• Feeling vulnerable and alone
• Dazed and unable to sleep
• No feelings at all – numb, sometimes the inability to cry
• Anger – could be a variety of issues: with medical system, religious-based, upset over being left to deal with everything, family conflict, etc
• Relief – maybe because someone is no longer suffering, or the care-giving was burdensome
• Grief Bursts – crying spontaneously and often
According to Helen Fitzgerald, a certified death educator, author and lecturer, during the first month or so it is usually wise to not to think ahead too far, take one day at a time—or even one half-day at a time. Learn to focus on the present and some things will begin to fall into place. Many people when faced with multiple responsibilities immediately following the death will “buckle up” and complete necessary tasks. In this case the emotional aspects of the grief journey may be postponed.
There are indeed many books and resources out there for coping with grief. We recommend finding what texts work well for you. One of the main authors we utilize at Hospice of the Pines is Dr. Alan Wolfelt, who runs the Center For Loss. His book, Understanding Your Grief is a nationally recognized resource for dealing with loss.
We also recommend attending grief support groups in your area. Check our website for groups we facilitate in Northern Arizona.
In coming articles we will address the grief survivor responsibilities that can cause many to feel incapable and fearful: including issues with financial, legal, house & car maintenance.
